ted cruz cnn_getoffthebs

Republican presidential candidate Ted ‘Rafael’ Cruz is in critical condition tonight after choking on his own bullshit during a speech in Wisconsin.

The incompetent and prevaricating Senator from Texas was giving a speech in front of five supporters at the Stoney Creek Meetings and Conference Rooms facility in Rothchild, Wisconsin, ahead of the state’s primary on Super Tuesday.

When he reached the part of his I hate Trump speech where he promises the crowd that he is the only candidate who can beat Hillary Clinton – the bullshit spewing from his mouth fell back into his throat, pinched off his trachea and obstructed his breathing.

Ted ‘Rafael’ Cruz collapsed on the stage and was taken at a snail’s pace to the Aspirus Wausau Hospital where doctors performed an emergency Hemorrhoidectomy.

“I’ve been doing this for 30 years, and I’ve never seen this amount of bullshit,” says Dr. Jack Shepard, who performed the operation.

“We’ve pumped 17 pounds of bullshit out his throat and the machine is still running.”

Ted ‘Rafael’ Cruz has been subjected to an old fashioned posterior kicking in the Republican polls since joining the race last fall.

Doctors say that unfortunately for the GOP, Ted ‘Rafael’ Cruz is expected to make a full recovery, and will be back on the campaign trail spewing plenty of bullshit in no time at all.